When men first reach out for help they are almost always feeling immense fear and pain…and they want to FIX that fear and pain right now!
All of the sudden your reality has changed and you don’t like it.
You thought the story was going to go one way and now it has made a terrible turn.
She wants space. She wants freedom. She wants to feel connection.
The 3-Step Emergency Triage for You AND Your Marriage >>
She wants to feel alive. She wants to find herself. She wants to escape some vaguely defined prison of anxiety and pressure.
And apparently it’s all your fault.
This is when a man will want to talk with me about FIXING things – quickly.
He wants to fix himself, fix her and fix the marriage so the fear and pain will go away and everything can go back to being just like it was supposed to be.
When I explain the reality of what is in front of him he gets nervous.
I explain that he has no control over her feelings or her decisions.
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I explain that the final outcome of his marriage is out of his hands.
And when I explain that the BEST CHANCE to fix anything is to start with fixing himself he will ask:
“Yeah but, what if I become a better man and she STILL leaves me?!”
Think about that for a minute.
What’s going on in his head here?
This is the most common mistake men make when trying to save their marriage.
They want to know:
“What if this doesn’t WORK?!”
What’s the matter with this line of thought?
Watch this video for a deeper dive into why this is stinkin’ thinkin’.
The problem with the question, “What if it doesn’t work?” is this.
When you decide to become more confident, calmer, clearer and grounded in your own sense of value and well-being…there is nothing that needs to “work”.
That IS the work. The measure of your work is not in the outcome of your marriage, her desire for you or any other EXTERNAL result over which you have no control.
You decide to become this man because it’s important to you no matter what.
And here’s the other thing we don’t get at first.
There is NO WAY the older version of you stands a chance of attracting her back into a relationship. Panic, pleading, promising, pressuring and demanding will only make things worse.
The reality is that your future is uncertain.
But you can create certainty in how you respond and how you choose to THINK about this whole process.
And your first thought needs to be:
“F*ck this. I’m going to become the very best, strongest and most attractive version of myself no matter what. I want that for me regardless of the outcome.”
Now THAT attitude will serve you well. I guarantee it.
What happens when you read that? What do you FEEL right after saying that out loud?
It’s liberating. The knot in your gut loosen just a touch.
It’s empowering.
You begin to see that even in the discomfort of uncertainty and an unpredictable outcome in your marriage…you get to create your own certainty.
This realization is the core message in all of our coaching programs.
When you finally get on this track, your inner peace returns and your mojo shoots up and to the right.
We want to meet you and support you on this journey of transformation and growth…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
