We talk to men every day who say “My Wife Said She Doesn’t Have Feelings For Me Anymore” – it can be a bombshell to us. What does it mean? What can you do? What is going on in your relationship that causes her to say something like this?
There’s an ability that you have in your tool kit which you may not even be aware of and almost certainly don’t know how powerful it is in creating connection and intimacy.
It’s incredibly simple to use too.
But most of us are too crippled by our own thinking to believe in its power.
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It’s the tool of self approval
Another way of saying this is self confidence but we can often get caught up in what we should “DO” to show that we’re confident in ourselves.
I just got off a call with a man who was tired of the struggle, tired of everything being hard, he said,
“I just don’t know whether it’s worth it anymore. We have a good time for a few days and then we’re back to her saying she’s unhappy, criticising me, complaining that I don’t care, that I don’t help, and it makes me back away and shut down.”
This reminds me of a great quote from the book “What Women want when they test men” by Bruce Bryans…
She will test the living daylights out of you until you figure out who you are as a man.
I explain more in this video.
I know that you are a competent, successful, kind and loving man, father, brother, son and friend. All the men we speak to have these things in common.
It’s only in the emotional world of intimacy, desire, connection and sex that we struggle to feel clear and confident in our ability to create what we want – the passion and spark that has slowly waned and disappeared from our relationship.
What I want you to get from this video and email is that you have a lot more control and influence than you’re allowing yourself to utilize.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How to Become So Confident That You Can Turn Down Sexual IntimacyUrgent Surgery for Your Dying Relationship
I want you to learn how to empower yourself. to get a glimpse of what you’ve been doing that has caused a break in the connection between you and the woman you love.
The story I mention in the video is a classic example of how we trip ourselves up and eliminate all chances of intimate connection being able to happen.
A woman will only open her heart to a man who can stand strong in his own value when she is questioning hers.
As men we want answers. We want clear facts and instructions to solve the problem and get the result we want.
In relationship and especially one that is disconnected, the instruction I want you to get is that YOU have the responsibility to learn the tools at your disposal.
When you need her to change how she treats you before you can connect with her, you give away your power and your ability to create the intimate connection you desire.
Someone has to be the keeper of the connection, someone has to lead you both out of the pain of disconnection and into a place of consistency where she can learn to trust you again. Where she can relax because she feels the unwavering truth in your actions that tell her how important she is to you.
Yes she’s going to test you, she has been hurt by all the ways in which you have allowed the connection between you to falter or drop completely.
You know that pain you feel right now, the knot in your gut and the anxiety about your uncertain future…?
She has been feeling that on and off for much longer.
And she NEEDS you to find the way to be consistent in your unconditional care and openness to her.
Especially when she is in pain.
Her pain often sounds like criticism, like judgement, like silence, or that cold distant apathy.
When your confidence is affected by her approval of you or your need for her to be happy with you, she just can’t trust that you have the emotional strength to love all of her, including her emotions.
That’s why we teach men how to approve of themselves.
Because when you KNOW who you are as a man, you can offer the gift of unwavering intimate connection to her anytime.
When you self approve, you experience her down days completely differently.
You can still shine your lighthouse of care and support even in the face of her emotional storm.
You calmly let her know that this is the man you are, the man you will be and the way you live your life.
A life of intimate connection, passion, trust, respect, empathy, love and desire.
She will test you.
She has to test you.
If you want her to open intimately to you, she MUST test that it is safe for her to do so.
To do anything else would be setting herself up for a painful disconnection AGAIN, and she is understandably averse to doing that.
So my question for you is…
Do you take up the challenge to understand how to self approve now you know it can truly transform the connection in your marriage?
In our coaching we take men through an intense program to build this muscle of self approval to the point where it is rock solid, where you no longer doubt yourself and can even laugh at how you used to get upset by her change in mood.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our Mastering Connection With Women course starts again in May lead by Dan and Alexis – Receive live feedback on your energy and confidence. Find out what you need to do to own your sexuality and masculinity. Navigate tests and create more connection and intimacy with ease.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage
